That One Girl Moscow

// An open letter to Alan Cale//

You haven’t changed a bit,
you roll your meth pipe back and forth casting judgements from your high horse.
No remorse.

I hope you choke on your own vomit. You’re a pile of filth and only project your own insecurities onto the people around you. It’s childish and you are a coward. Stop hiding behind your tough guy friends and man up.

And we are perfect,
For each other.
You’re the absolute best I could get, a soul so bright I can’t forget
It could have never been but it is
And we are
So it is
And we are and we are perrrrfect.

And we could have never met
So insignificant
So pinnacle by proxy
And we are. And it is. But we are, so it is.

I had been living in this town for almost six months, surviving looking for more, the acid wash had faded my brain and turkey sandwiches were as appealing as a truck stop whore.
27 was not my lucky year, for all intents and purposes I hadn’t achieved anything worth writing home about.

Running through dead meadows
Looking for a life I can call my own
All these failures surmounting
Just wanna lay 6 feet under snow
Forget all my fears In Indian paintbrush covered fields
This life is a curse
Always trudging towards my grave
A life that’s lost
Like sunlight in a cave
Running off the cliffs edge
Into the crashing falls
Forget I ever had a breath
This sunshine covered death
Always trudging towards the end
Stuck in a perpetual dead end
Like sweet cheat grass all ablaze
I could close my eyes and sleep for 10,000 days.
Dirt dirt dirt dirt dirt dirt dirt dirt dirt dirt dirt dirt dirt

// Ashley//

Met a lady whose friend had died,
And I thought to myself, who isn’t dead inside,
Met a gal who lost her pa,
Digging a trench down in Arkansas,
We spoke all night like we we kin,
And we dug like we were trying to bury sin.
We’re all,
Dead from living, dead from trying, dead from wishing, dead from lying.
All our hopes and dreams will die,
No matter how many smiles we buy.

Met a man I thought I knew,
Fucked me once before tim bucked two,
Lost a friend who loved to steal,
Tried to steal my heart but I never could feel,

Dead from giving, dead from buying, seconds from some devil that’s lying.
All our hopes and dreams are gone,
To the promised land that we come from, and they’ll bury me right by the sea, set my weary bones free. Set my weary bones free.

// Oh this mess I am. //

Running through open meadows
You’ll never catch me
Floating i am swimming in the blooms
Flora and fauna relay around my axis
I lose myself in this sweet bluebonnet field smattered with Indian paintbrush, buttercup sweet delight.
Oh this mess I am. I just want to become the sweet blossom under the sun. The wind only pushing me temporarily,
And your mistakes mean nothing here
As I disappear
Blue bonnet fields of sweet serene simplicity
And I am nothing here.
I am free
I am full of life yet dead like wilted petals
Still sapping water from dead roots
Oh this mess I am.

// I thought I would be more than this. //

Stay useless
Stay the same
Stay yourself everything will be fine,
Killing time, just living till I die.

No hope, so you can’t let me down.
No aspirations, no dreams, nothing makes me feel, like I’m anything more than dirt.

My problem is,
They always fall in love,
My Achilles heel lies in
Twenty dollar flats.
My own worst enemy
Never been a friend to me
It’s always just one day closer to death.

Oh how I long to feel the warmth of something real.
Not fleeting, not destined to fail,
To feel safe
To feel secure
I thought I was trusting but now it’s mistrusting I’m sure.

I remember why I hate Facebook now. Always making me cry with sappy sad shit.
Nope no thank you.

A means to an end my friend,
Just selling my soul to achieve a goal,
Don’t matter how you get there it’s where you’re going that actually counts.
You never know..
What secrets we hide.

// Pretty much //

Running is easier,
And I just love to run.
Wild and free.

Want that cake
Want all that frosting too
Want all that glitters baby
Cause it better all be gold
Want that cake
All the frosting too
Gonna eat it all up,
Boy I’m gonna have it too.

You’re charming, bearded, and have your life together, you’re talented and humorous. You’re good at the innernets and may even be reading this now. Tip of the hat to you sir. I’m highly intrigued.
Perhaps I’ll move away and you’ll forget about me,
But I like your willingness to explore.
I do best with direct.

// Things often have short life expectancy in nature.//

How sweet the flower blooming under snow drifts
The first sign of spring,
Crisp air bites nostrils,
Refreshing, not unlike you.

By far
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by a crazy man
in Russia